Blue Fire Page 8

  ‘You hardly need to remind me,’ she said, brows arching. ‘I remember only too well how hard I slaved trying to be that perfect housewife for you, and all I got were complaints and endless criticism.’

  He arched his brows too. ‘Well, the beds were always unmade, the cupboards empty and—’

  ‘Here we go again!’

  ‘Chris,’ he snapped, ‘you agreed to move in with me and give it a go!’

  ‘For your sake, not for mine!’

  ‘As I found out to my cost! What you wanted was the pay-cheque, the glory and the glamour—not an or- dinary, loving home!’

  ‘I did want a loving home, Jared, I just—’

  ‘God, you bloody liar!’ he bit out forcefully. ‘How you can sit there and tell me that, I’ll never know! You’ve made it clear at every step of the last three years that all you’re interested in having is money and fame!’

  ‘Yes, and that’s the real problem between us, isn’t it, Jared?’ she shouted back fiercely. ‘You didn’t just make that ultimatum because of Simon’s presence in my life. You made it because you did not want me to be a success. You wanted to cut me in half and make me be nothing more or less than the perfect wife, while you went on gathering all the international film trophies!’

  ‘That’s a filthy He and you know it!’ he ground out between his teeth, as he always did when he wanted to dissuade her from pointing out a fundamental truth.

  ‘Oh?’ She studied his strong, handsome face. ‘Are you sure about that, Jared? Let’s try to put all the pieces together, shall we?’

  He shifted angrily, his face hard. ‘What pieces? What are you talking about?’

  ‘The pieces of the Jared Buchanan jigsaw puzzle.’ Her eyes were completely without pretence or malice or emotion. She had never felt such urgency to tell the ab- solute truth in her life before—and at the same time such strong pressure to make sure it was not bungled by losing her temper or getting emotional or flying off the handle in passionate recrimination. For three years, she had put this jigsaw puzzle together in her head, needing badly to understand why it had all happened between them, just as it had, and she was now very well versed on every single piece that had gone to make up the man she loved—it was imperative she did not make a mess of her equation.

  ‘Oh, I’m a jigsaw puzzle too, am I?’ he drawled with a sardonic smile, and suddenly rolled to one side of her, resting his dark head on his hand, watching her in the moonlight, his eyes cynical as he tried to deflect at- tention from himself by turning the spotlight on her. ‘How interesting that we should both reach the same conclusion about each other. You’re not the only one who’s spent the last three years counting up pieces, you know. How do you think I realised you were just like Lelie?’

  Her lashes flickered. Anger coursed through her veins at his deliberate attack. She kept herself under control and said coolly, ‘My turn first, I think, Jared. After all, you’ve already had a good run for your money tonight. Insults flying right, left and centre. Surely I should have a chance to even the score?’

  He studied her darkly, then laughed, looked away and said huskily, ‘Go ahead. What have I got to lose?’

  ‘Your illusions?’ she suggested softly.

  He turned back, burningly angry. ‘I am a thirty-eight- year-old man, at the top of my profession, with a chequered past of major experience with women! I cannot possibly be accused of still harbouring any illusions!’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know about that,’ she said carefully, watching him. ‘After all, the last thing on your list of achievements was marriage, wasn’t it, Jared? I re- member your telling me that when we first met.’

  ‘How very trusting I must have been,’ he said, eyes narrowed.

  ‘You said you had always known you wouldn’t marry until your career was completely secure,’ she reminded him. ‘And that you’d always dreamed of a traditional marriage.’

  His eyes flashed. ‘What’s wrong with a traditional marriage? Lots of people still make them. The wife stays at home, doesn’t work, looks after the children, the house, the husband and—’

  ‘And is unlikely to be an ambitious young woman with dreams of reaching international stardom as an actress, Jared!’ Her mouth trembled faintly. ‘I mean—why did you pick me in the first place? What on earth made you think I’d give it all up just to cook you roast dinners and darn your socks during my pregnancies?’

  ‘Because you said you wanted to do it!’ His eyes glimmered with rage. ‘You said you wanted children, wanted—’

  ‘I wanted it all!’ she cried. ‘Can’t you understand that? All right! I’m a woman—I need to have children and I need to marry! But I’m a human being before I’m any of that, and I have dreams, ambitions, mountains to climb!’

  ‘Pregnant women can’t climb mountains!’

  ‘Well, now you know why I don’t want to have children yet!’

  ‘You still don’t want them?’ He sounded appalled.

  Pain lit her eyes as she heard herself confess, ‘I’m watching the clock now. But not until I’ve climbed my mountains…’

  ‘But you’re twenty-eight now! You’ll be too old to have children by the time you’ve run out of mountains to climb!’

  ‘Not if I get the role of Lelie!’ she said excitedly, without thinking. ‘Jared, don’t you see? It’s the answer to all my problems! I’ll be so famous by the time that’s been out on general release for a year that I’ll be able to retire for seven years or so, to have and bring up my children.’

  Jared’s face had hardened as she spoke, but so excited was she by her great plan for the future that she didn’t spot it until she had finished speaking, and then she noticed it with a sinking heart, realising her mistake.

  ‘I see,’ Jared said tightly, a flash of rage in his eyes. ‘And that’s all planned out for you and Simon, is it?’

  She went very still, suddenly aware of the depths of his rage.

  ‘So where do I fit in? Or shall I guess?’ His voice shook as he bit out, ‘Sitting here on this bloody beach with you, being wound right round your manipulative little finger to make sure you do get that role!’

  ‘Darling—’ She reached for him in panic.

  ‘Don’t you touch me!’ he whispered bitingly, slapping her hand away, and getting to his feet, so angry his eyes were like black knives as he towered above her, the moonlight behind him, silhouetting his powerful body against the glittering dark sea. ‘And to think I nearly fell for it! I really believed you were my Chrissie-baby again, believed you loved me, and could still love—’

  ‘But I did, I do, I— ‘ She was scrambling to her feet too, eyes panic-stricken.

  ‘You lying little bitch!’ he said hoarsely, dark colour invading his face. ‘How did you do it? How did it start? It must have been the tears—I thought they came out of the blue! And then the sweet, tender lovemaking fol- lowed by the refusal, and the loving confessions! Oh, what an Oscar-winner you are, my darling!’

  ‘Don’t think like this!’ She flew at him in desperation, gripping his broad shoulders. ‘Everything that’s hap- pened tonight will be destroyed if you don’t keep be- lieving in—’

  ‘Oh, don’t you worry about your precious little plans for the future, Christie McCall!’ he bit out thickly. ‘You’ll get everything you want! The part, the fame, the power, the whole black bloody business! I’ll eat my Cadillac convertible if you actually end up having children in a few years’ time, but that’s hardly my business right now, although I do believe you’ll marry Simon Mordant!’ His eyes filled with hatred. ‘But right now I’m the one in the ultimate position of power over you, because only I can give you the role you crave so badly, and I can assure you I intend to demand some- thing in return for it!’

  ‘Jared…’ she whispered, hands still on his shoulders as she stared up in horror at his angry face. ‘Please stop this… please…’

  ‘Don’t you want to know what the price tag is, Chris?’ he taunted softly, eyes glittering. ‘Sure you do
! Ambitious game-planner like you! You need to know every price along the way from every man you choose to tangle with in the name of your career!’

  Christie felt tears biting into her eyes. ‘Please don’t do this…please…’

  ‘Tears, sincerity, just the right touch of raw pain in the voice.’ His eyes savaged her. ‘Wonderful stuff. But this isn’t an artistic audition, darling. I’m sure I don’t have to say any more for you to guess just what kind of audition it’s going to be.’

  ‘Jared…’ She was breathless with horror.

  ‘On the casting couch,’ he said bitingly. ‘Midnight tomorrow. My bedroom.’

  She drew a long, shaking breath. ‘You don’t seriously think I’d ever agree to that kind of proposition, do you?’

  ‘You will if you want that picture.’ His face was harshly implacable. ‘But I’ll give you twenty-four hours to make up your mind. I know you’ll come to the only possible decision in the end. And I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow night, with an exciting list of ways I want to make love to you in, a list I have no doubt will prove exquisitely—’

  ‘Stop it!’ she whispered thickly, trembling, her blue eyes blazing with anger and pain. ‘How can you say such wicked things to me? Wicked…!’

  ‘Wait till you see my list!’ he drawled, running in- solent, knowing, utterly unromantic eyes over her. ‘That sexy little body of yours has long been number one on my midnight fantasy schedule. I can’t wait to turn fantasy into reality, now that I know exactly who I was dealing with all along.’

  ‘Jared, you’re destroying everything!’ she pleaded ur- gently with him, but if she had hoped to reach the loving, gentle, trusting man inside that hard protective shell, she was just asking to get hurt.

  ‘It’s already destroyed, Chris,’ he said thickly. ‘Just accept my terms or forget your dreams of glory.’ He strode past her, his face hard, and she could only watch in numb despair as his powerful silhouette disappeared through the gates of the beach and into the gardens, while Casa Camarra rose in moonlit beauty far beyond…

  CHAPTER SIX

  SO it had come to this. He was actually demanding that she go to bed with him in exchange for the role of Lelie. Christie had known Jared might go this far, but, of course, how could she have predicted it would be done with such hatred, savagery and vengeful anger? The very emotional conversation they had had just before he made his decision had no doubt triggered his towering deter- mination to get back at her. And that was why she had been unable to stand up to him properly as he made his attack. She hadn’t been rocketed out of her state of re- newed love and trust; she had been fighting to keep it, to reach into his heart and drag him back to honesty, love, trust. Oh, if only she hadn’t made that stupid con- fession of her deepest ambitions! She could see clearly now why he had reacted so violently. It must have sounded as though she would walk through fire to get the part of Lelie, and of course it was true: she would. The only fire she would balk at, though, was the fire of Jared’s hatred and desire for sexual revenge. But given her past mistakes with Jared—and those wretched articles in the Hollywood Press—she could understand why he immediately assumed she was manipulating him into giving her the part with the minimum of fuss.

  Were she anything like Lelie—this would be all in character. Lelie would certainly use Jared’s seething emotions as a lever to get what she wanted. Lelie would definitely seduce him with lies, sweetness, tender con- fessions of love—just as Lelie would eventually concede defeat and go to the casting couch, prepared to give him the sexual experience of his life. Lelie would do anything to get that part.

  But Christie was not Lelie. She had meant every word of her loveswept confessions, and she knew that Jared had, too. When you’d been in love with a man, and lived with him, you could tell when he was lying and when he wasn’t. Jared still felt a great deal for her. But it was still so touch-and-go. Three years ago, they had split up for precisely the same reason: that when it came down to it, they had kept the truth hidden from each other— Jared by pretending he believed Christie’s dreams would come true, and Christie herself for not having the courage to tell him directly what she really wanted from life. Consequently, they had each leapt to conclusions that were wrong, and gradually built up to an explosion of simmering resentment. That had happened again to- night when Jared leapt to the conclusion that she was using him to get the part so she could consolidate her position as an international superstar, and then retire to marry Simon.

  She could hardly blame him. After all—she was en- gaged to Simon. And until this weekend had been more than prepared to marry him. In just a few short hours, Jared had changed all that by reminding her just exactly how it felt to be in love, truly in love, deeply in love. It wasn’t just dark and destructive and dangerous. It was also wild, wonderful, filled with love, tenderness, humour, understanding and such exquisite passion.

  God, she had forgotten how it felt to lie in his arms! The touch of his hands, the hot, commanding onslaught of his kiss as desire flared between them and they moved together as one… how could she even have half be- lieved what she felt for Simon was love? It was nothing more than friendship, and although friendship could sometimes turn to love, it was love in friendship that never died. That was the difference. She and Jared were in love, and being friends was just a side effect of their love, but it was not the magnetic force that pulled them so powerfully together. How tempted she had been to make love with him. Only her fear of losing his love after finding it so recently had stopped her.

  But she had wasted her breath, hadn’t she? Because he had just smashed to pieces the shared intimacy they had rediscovered by returning to his rage, his belief that she was like Lelie, and making his demand that she go to bed with him in order to further her career.

  Of course, she would not even consider the casting couch as a means to getting a part. Old Hollywood tra- dition it might be, but in reality it simply wasn’t necessary, and only those with loose morals or very little self-respect were prepared to leap from bed to bed in search of stardom. Christie had never done it—nor would she start now.

  That left her only one choice to make.

  She would have to refuse the role altogether.

  Tears stung her eyes as she stood there on the beach, her dreams scattering to the soft, warm breeze off the Pacific as the sea washed gently in and out, as though erasing her future in the sands.

  Of course, there would be other roles, she told herself, bending to pick up her gold evening shoes. Not so bril- liant, not such big box-office, but, nevertheless, other roles. Mike Camarra would be very angry with her, but, as he knew, she and Jared had always been a difficult proposition owing to their love affair in the past… how could he object too strongly? It wouldn’t be worth his while to sue Christie or put her on a blacklist. Jared had obviously warned him that there might be trouble if Christie was cast in a Jared Buchanan picture. At any rate, whatever Mike’s reaction, she would have to risk it. Anything to prevent Jared destroying her soul by forcing her on to the casting couch.

  Walking back to the house, she felt the tears slipping over her lashes. So much for her great career plans! Jared had come along at the most critical point of her career and forced her to make the same choice he had forced her to make three years ago! How very typical of him, she thought with a hoarse laugh, dashing away her tears. And how very odd to find that, three years down the line, she was now going to make the other choice. Not career at any price. Not fame at any cost. But love, dignity and self-respect over and above all worldly ambitions.

  The house was well-lit, a maid standing in the hall, while a number of guests were still up, roaring with laughter and chat in the drawing-room to the left, the door faintly ajar, the sound of music wafting softly from the hi-fi, and the loudest sound of all, Millie’s high- pitched laughter.

  Christie smiled politely at the maid and walked up- stairs, barefoot on the rich red carpet, one hand on the polished banister, watched by Vivien Leigh, Valentino a
nd Jean Harlow.

  Suddenly, she heard a commotion on the east corridor.

  ‘Get out, you rotten swine!’

  ‘Nessa, listen to me, for God’s sake!’

  ‘No!’ There was the thud of a man’s shoe as a door was opened, then the flight of a man’s white evening jacket, unmistakably Simon’s. ‘Get out and stay out!’

  ‘I renounce every year I spent with you!’ Simon strode out into the corridor in his shirt and trousers, red in the face, shouting hoarsely, ‘You’re not the woman I knew, or the woman I loved!’

  Christie just stood there, staring at them, feeling hurt, humiliated, betrayed. Simon had obviously been making love to Nessa, right there, in Nessa’s bedroom, where it could hardly have happened spontaneously.

  ‘No, that’s right, I’m not the woman you knew!’ Nessa threw his other shoe at him with a noisy clatter, just missing him as he swore furiously and ducked. ‘I’m the star you made me into! Nessa Vale—I created her! Isn’t that what you used to boast? Well, go and boast it about Christie McCall! She obviously thinks—’

  Christie slipped into her own bedroom silently, not wanting to hear any more. Closing the door, she leant on it, trembling with the deep sense of betrayal.

  Of course she had felt guilty herself for betraying Simon on the beach with Jared—but that had been a genuine accident. Simon had quite obviously gone to Nessa’s bedroom with her. What other reason could there have been but to betray Christie?

  Some friend, she thought, staring down at her en- gagement ring. Some future husband.

  But suddenly she found herself thinking, Why did I betray Simon with Jared? Because I was still in love with him, provoked beyond endurance, and ended up in an unexpected but very passionate kiss…

  The shock hit her right between the eyes—Simon was in love with Nessa Vale. But that had to mean their in- volvement was even more deep than Simon had let on. So he had not only betrayed her tonight—he had lied to her about Nessa. How long had he really known the ac- tress? It must have been a great deal of time, or he wouldn’t have said, ‘I renounce you… you’re not the woman I knew… loved…’